Has anyone cheated just once, regretted it, n… | Ask SAHM

I told, and would say, depending on circumstances, don’t tell. Unprotected sex, etc, tell. But many times, it is the worst, most painful thing you can do. People like to be puritan about this until they have been touched by it. I have cheated once. Minor infidelity, not sex. Emotional connection that led to fooling around briefly before coming to my senses and knocking it off. At the time, I was questioning my marriage due to distance and lack if intimacy (2.5 years no sex), which my wife and I had just had an argument about the day prior, and I found myself sharing details about my marriage with a female colleague who I’d been friends with for a while at a happy hour which led to a poor choice. Yes, it was a choice, it was wrong, it was selfish, in the moment I wasn’t thinking of her, just myself, and I own it, but this incident gave me a wake up call that I really wanted to be with my wife, because it just didn’t feel right to connect with someone else this way, and it made me realize I still loved her. After this happened, but before I told, I began redoubling my efforts towards the relationship and so did she in response. Things were getting better. Then I told her this happened because people had it in my head that I owed it to her to tell the truth…she deserved to know, etc. Puritan B.S. Keep it real people. It was a terrible mistake to say anything. Completely destroyed our relationship, destroyed her, destroyed me, when otherwise life would be quite good right now, probably. In reality, I owed it to her to keep it a secret and learn from it. It made me a better husband after the incident but before telling her, because it opened my eyes to the reality of losing her. I owed it to the family I wanted to salvage by working harder at the relationship to just bury it and learn from it. If you screw up once or briefly get off track because you lose sight of things like I did, but then realize you really want to work on yourself and your relationship, or if it’s a brief emotional fling that didn’t put her/him at risk and again you realize it was a mistake and that you really want to refocus and recommit to your marriage, especially if there are kids, don’t tell. SERIOUSLY. DON’T. Learn from it and do better. She wishes I never told, and I wouldn’t want to know either if the show were on the other foot. I know I’m rambling, but I’m emotional right now over it because I’ve lived it. It’s easy for people to be hard-line and righteous about this. especially if they’ve been betrayed in a more brutal manner, but once you make the mistake and realize it, then you have to play it where it lies. What is the greater good at that point? What is going to allow for the greater happiness quotient? Every situation is unique, and some things are best left learned from and unsaid. Sometimes we are our best selves. Sometimes we are our worst selves. And circumstances are a factor. If you are truly remorseful, have put them at no risk, and realize you love the person and all that is built into the relationship, use your guilt to fuel your efforts towards being the best partner possible moving forward and to become a better person. If you don’t feel that recommitted, then leave. If you end up doing it again, leave. But still don’t tell them if there is not a good reason to. All you will due is psychologically scar them in addition to the other emotional pain. Work on yourself and move on, but don’t exponentially amplify the hurt out of an abstract moral ideal. The real world impact is more important once the cards are on the table.

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