9 Most Famous Penises In History (NSFW)

Penises. Half of the population of the planet have them, and they have been a source of pleasure, pain and controversy since the beginning of time.

So, when it comes to the most famous, just who makes the cut? Well, we’ve compiled a list of the most famous penises in history, both fact and fiction.

You take your pick.

1. Rasputin

Grigori Rasputin was a Russian mystic who had a following of people that believed he had supernatural powers and was a psychic and faith healer. In fact, he was seen as pretty heavily influencing the last days of the Russian Tsar Nicholas II and his wife, Tsarist Alexandra. However, that doesn’t mean he was the most popular person. In 1916, Rasputin was violently murdered, and some accounts claim his penis was severed from his body. Claims of ownership of Rasputin’s penis, which is apparently 13-inches long, bounced around for years, but it recently surfaced at a Russian erotic museum.

Yes, you can go to a museum, and see his penis.

Image Via The Telegraph
Image Via The Telegraph

To see a photograph of Rasputin’s Penis – Click Here!

2. Lili Elbe

Lili Elbe makes this list because she was one of the first transgendered people to actually have surgery to remove her penis, making it one for the history books. Born Einar Wegener in Denmark, it was reported that Einar may have been born intersex, and his parents chose to raise him as a boy.

Elbe was a leading artist in Paris during the late 1920s. He married fellow artist, the beautiful Gerda Gottlieb in 1904. One day, Einar’s wife Grete asked him to dress as a woman for a portrait, which drastically changed how Einar thought about his male identity. He ultimately decided to become a female, whom he named Lili Elbe, and underwent a series of experimental operations one of which removed his penis. Amazingly, considering the times, Elbe was able to have her marriage annulled and even had a new birth certificate issued with her female gender.

Lili passed away at age 48 as a result of one of her sex change surgeries. His wife Gerda was a huge supporter of both her husband, and his decision to transition. She eventually re-married and continued her passion with art.

Eddie Redmayne portrayed Lili Elbe in the recent movie, ‘The Danish Girl’.

Image Via Bustle
Image Via Bustle
Image Via All Day
Image Via All Day

3. Bart Simpson

A member of one of the longest running cartoon series out there, Bart Simpson is a character that very few people would not be familiar with. However, he generated quite a bit of buzz when just a bit more of him than normal hit the big screens. It all happened in The Simpsons Movie, which came out in cinemas with a general suitable-for-all rating. So imagine the audience’s surprise when during one scene, where Bart accepts a dare to skate naked down the street, there is a short but clear glimpse of the youngster’s small, but decidedly yellow, penis. Awkward!

Image Via Memedroid
Image Via Memedroid

4. John Wayne Bobbitt

Sadly for John Wayne Bobbitt, his penis didn’t become famous until 1993, when his wife famously removed it from him with a knife. It was June 23, 1993 when John Wayne Bobbitt had just arrived home, totally drunk. According to court testimony from his wife, Lorena Bobbitt, John raped her. After this, Lorena went to get water from the kitchen, saw the knife on the counter, and was overcome with memories of past domestic abuses. So, she ran back into the bedroom, cut off more than half of John’s penis, and threw it into a field. Amazingly, it was later recovered and reattached, at which point John starred in a few really bad pornos.

Image Via Wikipedia
Image Via Wikipedia

5. Dirk Diggler

Okay – so not a real person, but infamous non-the-less. In 1997, a film was released in America that caused some people quite a bit of awkward embarrassment. It involved a fictional character named Dirk Diggler, and was set in the late 1970s and early 1980s. Young Dirk was a nightclub dishwasher who decided to get into the lucrative (at the time) porn industry. He enjoys great success in his new career, partly because of his enormous package, which is referenced throughout the entire film but only shown in the last scene. Basically, it makes you wait for it, but it’s certainly worth it.

Mark Wahlberg who played Dirk Diggler got to choose his prosthetic penis, and still has it to this day!

6. Jonah Falcon

Jonah Falcon is an American actor and television presenter. When he was in Grade 5 at school, the other kids noticed his ‘sizeable assets’ in the changing rooms. Their attitude towards Jonah changed from that day forward. In 2003, it was reported that Falcon’s penis measured a whopping 34cm when erect. He has agreed to donate his penis to the Icelandic Phallological Museum after his death.

Image Via Alchetron
Image Via Alchetron

7. David

When it comes to famous packages, they don’t get more widely viewed than the statue of David. Considered a masterpiece of Renaissance sculpture, created by Michelangelo from 1501 to 1504, David survived the penis cutting of the Victorian era. As a result, his weenie is just how it was originally carved in the 5.17 metre marble sculpture. One of the main discussions around David is that, despite the Judaic practice of circumcision, David appears to be uncircumcised, which is more in line with Renaissance art conventions.

Image For 'For the Win'
Image For ‘For the Win’

8. John Holmes

John Curtis Holmes, sometimes known by the name Johnny Wadd, is known as being one of the most prolific male porn stars of his time. During his career, he appeared in 2,500 adult films and is best known for his rather large penis. In fact, this aspect of him was the biggest seller of his films, despite there being no definite evidence of how long the penis actually was. An ex-wife recalled it to be around 10 inches, but Holmes himself once claimed it was 15 inches. Then there’s the word of his manager, who claimed he saw John measure it on many occasions (fun) and it was 13.5 inches. That’s one hell of a penis.

Image Via Listverst
Image Via Listverse

9. Juan Baptista dos Santos

Juan Baptista dos Santos is one man who definitely needs to make the list, and absolutely should be the man you remember for his member. While he wasn’t famous all over the world, in certain circles, he was well known for his unusual makeup. Born in Portugal around 1843, Juan Baptista dos Santos was considered as a young man to be handsome, fit, and well-proportioned. Except that he had two distinct penises, and a third leg. Now, the third leg was actually two legs fused together, and it couldn’t move. The penises however were fully functional, and Juan became known as a man with a powerful sexual appetite who would finish with one penis and move right on to the other.

Image Via Cupcake Punk
Image Via Cupcake Punk

There you go, a bit of interesting reading for the day. Don’t worry boys, girls would run a mile from penises this big!

penises | Stay at Home Mum.com.au

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