There’s not much novelty left in having a vagina these days.
Well that is until you read these stories, which are enough to make you see all your equipment in a whole new light.
Yes, it turns out there is more that you can do with your vagina than you might have thought at first. That’s not to say you would want to do them, but rather that you can if it really tickles your fancy.
We’ve scoured the internet, and here are 10 of the craziest things women are doing with their vaginas!
1. They take selfies…internally.
Yep, you heard us right! There is now a divide that allows you to FaceTime people from the inside of your vagina. Clearly invented for times when it just wasn’t enough to get naked for your long-distance lover, the Svakom Gaga Camera Vibrator comes complete with a high quality camera and lights. That way, you can capture all the amazing (and apparently sexy) photo and video content you could ever need.
2. They smuggle guns in jails.
We may have all been impressed at the ability of our lady parts to take a wide load (hello childbirth!) but there aren’t too many women who tested its storage abilities like Josephine McAllister. This Albuquerque woman was booked on charges that included trying to bring a gun to jail inside her vagina.
She got rid of the run once inside, but her excuse when later caught was that she was carrying the gun in her waistband, and it slipped and fell inside her vagina. Yeah. Right.
3. They play music to foetuses.
If you’ve ever wanted to give your foetus a live concert while they’re still in the womb, and those belly speakers just aren’t cutting it, the Babypod should be your next purchase. Babypod is an internal speaker, designed by a Spanish company, to be inserted into the vagina to play music and stimulate your foetus. There are lots of studies to confirm the possible effectiveness of music on babies in the womb, and mums can even co-listen with split headphones. Groovy!
4. They lose things inside.
It’s the kind of thing we might have had nightmares about when we started using tampons, but it turns out that it actually happened. A report in the Journal of Sexual Medicine brought attention to the case of an (unnamed) woman who went to the doctor with issues relating to incontinence, weight loss and lethargy.
It turns out she had a sex toy inside her, which had been stuck there for 10 years. The toy was removed by surgeons, who noted that the woman had near life-threatening damage. Alcohol was found to be the cause of her having ‘forgotten’ the toy in the first place.
5. They Get Their Vagina’s Steam Cleaned.
This is one strange technique that has been made (in)famous by Gwyneth Paltrow and her lifestyle website Goop. According to them, vaginal steaming is a must-do if you’re hoping to detox your vagina, stimulate the production of milk, correct digestive issues, and protect from both ulcers and tumours. All you do is sit on a little throne and have various plants steamed into your bits. Sounds crazy? The experts certainly think it is, with a number of gynaecologists pointing out that as the vagina is self-cleaning, the procedure is a complete waste of time.
6. They get balls of herbs, for health.
Vaginal steaming was an oddity on the lips of many in recent years, but it may yet be overshadowed by an even stranger product. They’re called Herbal Womb Detox Pearls, and while they sound like someone tripped over a translator, they’re actually small balls of perfumed herbs that are inserted into the vagina. The company that makes them claims they ‘detox’ the womb, promote vaginal tightening, and flush out toxins. However, experts have issued warnings over the possible dangers of the pearls in actually promoting discomfort and infection.
7. They help knit, for art.
If you were looking for a new hobby, it turns out that vaginal knitting is a thing now… kinda. A woman named Casey Jenkins, who describes herself as a ‘performer craftivest’, from Melbourne, hit internet fame when she posted a video of a performance she called “Casting Off My Womb”. In the video, she knits using wool that has been inserted in, and then drawn out from, her vagina. The project took place over 28 days, including her menstruation, staining the wool a brown red in part of the finished project.
8. They trap penises…with witchcraft.
A couple in South Africa, having an incognito love affair without the knowledge of their partners, found themselves with way too much fame, thanks to the woman’s vagina. After having sex while her husband was away, Sasha Ngema, aged 34, and her tomboy lover, Sol Qoboza, aged 22, became locked together.
People flocked to see them after a rumour spread that the woman’s husband had asked a witchdoctor to put a curse on his wayward wife, but experts believe that it’s much more likely that her vagina had contracted too much, a condition known as penis captivus.
9. They hold ghosts for exorcism.
A man advertising himself as a ‘ghostbuster’ in Guangzhou in the Guangdong Province in China was arrested after he apparently charged a young woman 20,000 yuan (more than $3,000) to exorcise ghosts in her vagina.
The woman had come to the man to get help in seducing her boss, but he managed to convince her that he wouldn’t fall in love with her because the ghosts in her vagina were blocking his advances. How did he propose to get rid of those ghosts? By catching them with his penis, of course.
10. They lift things and get famous.
Think your lady parts are strong? Sure they’ve pushed out babies, but have you ever really tested them? Sex expert Kim Anami has. The intimacy coach who is known for teaching ‘vaginal kung fu’, among other things, has achieved fame on Instagram with her hashtag #ThingsILiftWithMyVagina.
The photos show her demonstrating her unique abilities, and lifting heavy objects with her bulked vaginal muscles. Hey we understand that strengthening pelvic muscles can be a lifesaver, but maybe this is a lift too far…
A vagina can be many things aside from getting stuck with a penis. It also evolves along with technology and you just can’t imagine what other crazy things women do with their vaginas that we have not known of. But, let’s leave it in a diary or so.